The Relationship Ferris Wheel series is an exercise you can do individually or with your partner designed to help you move towards a more intimate relationship. You should read the introduction, and then Part 1, and maybe download the worksheet, before reading this post.
Now that you’ve got a long list of the qualities of your Ultimate Intimate Relationship, it’s time to daydream. Time to make it as real in your mind as you possibly can. You’re going to have to imagine a scene – a snapshot, like a Norman Rockwell Painting, that totally embodies all of those characteristics you put into the foundation.
Choose Your Metaphor
Some things may be easy to imagine – for example, if sharing music with your partner is one of the things that you need, then it’s easy enough to picture the two of you playing instruments, or at a concert, or each of you listening to one earbud.
Some things, though, will be more difficult to embody. How does trust look in solid form? What about dependability? Or care?
Here’s a cue: body language and talismans are good metaphors. One person who did this exercise had safety and care as two things that she needed for intimacy. She always felt cared for when her partner would stroke her hair, and their home was always a place she felt safe, so she pictured herself in her living room with her head in her partners lap, his hand stroking her hair.
Shared beauty was also an item in her list, so she also pictured herself wearing an outfit she felt pretty in and her partner dressed the way she liked (remember, this is your own personal fantasy).
When you’re doing this exercise, give yourself time and the relaxation to make it fun – and remember that old saying, God is in the details. Keep filling in the picture in your mind, leaving nothing out, and being as extravagant as you want. Remember, symbols are fine – if financial security is important, go ahead and picture gold bars on the table. If physical health is important, give yourself the body you want as you imagine this one scene.
So Good You Can Taste It
What level of real is that? Well, there’s a common trope in science fiction and fantasy about teleportation. It’s sort of an unwritten rule (well, until they write it, at least) that a person can’t teleport into a place that they can’t visualize in their mind. They need to have a synesthetic feel for the location – not just where it is, but how the air feels, how it smells, the background sounds.
That’s what you’re going for when I say: picture a scene that embodies this idea of a relationship. Picture it in so much detail that you could teleport there if you were a character in a comic book. Every part: the floor, the ceiling (or the sky), the sound of your partner’s breathing, the way their skin reflects the light (or holds the shadows). Every part of it.
Then you’re going to draw it.
I’m not asking you to draw it in that much detail! That’s the advantage of having this be a personal exercise: no one ever has to see it. And you can just draw the things that will remind you and represent the details you’ve already got in your mind.
The first time I did this exercise, there were literally stick figures with scribbled-in pants and shirts in my drawn image. That’s ok; when I looked at them, in my head I saw the detail of the fabrics, the fasteners, my partner’s hair. The image is simply representative.
Or, y’know, you could make it very detailed. There are a lot of things out there that you can use to create some pretty amazing art. Whatever you decide, put it in the center of the Ferris Wheel diagram. It should be easy to see how all of those words in the foundation lead up to that beautiful captured moment in your imagination where everything about intimacy is right there.
And yeah, I get that your next thought may be But that’ll never happen. That’s ok. You’re right; that’s an idealized scene.
We’re just going to get you a little bit closer to it, ok?