Today I hit my first “I don’t wanna” moment in regards to this blog.
It’s not that I have any lack of material – no, far from it, the idea sheet for posts is bigger than my arm, metaphorically speaking. It’s more a matter of where I’m at mentally today. I said that this blog was going to be about pragmatic, real solutions, not promising pie-in-the-sky happiness, and this is part of it: your narrator, gentle readers, sometimes just wants to sit in a corner eating junior mints and watching re-runs of Numb3rs all day.
And this is one of those days.
The reasons why aren’t important. What’s important is that it happens, it happens to everyone, at some point. Hell, it started this morning – I didn’t want to do my sitting (I did it anyway). I didn’t want to write in my journal (did it anyway). I didn’t want to work for the last six hours on a client’s video project (did it anyway). I really didn’t want to do a phone meeting with another client about a variety show in February.
Guess what? I did it anyway.
Sometimes It Just Sucks
That’s part of being an adult, I think. I mentioned in an earlier post the difference between being a grown-up, a child, and an adult. You can read it (really, would love to hear your comments) but the gist is that a grown up doesn’t grow any more, a child lacks the ability to handle responsibility, and an adult has the potential to both continue to grow (thereby acknowledging that they don’t have all the answers yet) but at the same time take responsibility for those things they do know.
It’s not discipline, though it may be a habit. I prefer to think of it as taking responsibility for myself, for my own path and well-being. I know that I am slowly improving myself with my writing and my meditation. I know that I am helping out my future-self by getting my work done, lining up things in the future.
I hope that, on some level, I’m helping both myself and you by writing this blog. It’s something I took responsibility for a while back, and this is part of me owning up to that responsibility. And there is certainly a part of me that knows that at some point down the road I’ll look at this day and know “That is one day that I did not give up.”
Yep. It Sucks. Do It Anyway.
Sometimes just the acknowledgement of an “I don’t wanna.” moment is enough to keep you going. You are kind of addressing your inner five-year-old, who doesn’t want to take their medicine. You don’t have to lie and say “Oh, but it’ll taste good.” Heck, don’t even lie and say “But it’ll make you feel better!” I guarantee that when I’m done with this post, I still won’t wanna go back to my video-editing work.
That doesn’t change the fact that it needs to be done. So I simply acknowledge that yes, I don’t wanna, but that doesn’t change reality.
That’s the practice I’m going to suggest for this week. Life can really suck at times, and when it does, telling yourself it doesn’t just makes you feel like a liar. But telling yourself that it does, and yet persevering in doing what needs doing…eventually, you’ll inch towards daylight to the HellYeahIWanna!’s again.
If you need something to look forward to, tomorrow one of my heroes, Chris Gillebeau, will be releasing a manifesto on the Urgency of Life. I’m not sure yet if I agree with the premise (it’s not like I’ve read it yet) but I am sure I’ll be talking about it soon.