Love. Life. Practice.

Personal Development with Gray Miller

love can be dangerous if you’re not ready

Do What You Love, and…

While it’s very exciting that the Defining Moment series has come about, I don’t want to give anyone the impression that it’s meant to change your life. It might – it has for some – but that’s not what it’s for. It’s for moments. Parts of a life, times that nourish and inspire and provide the framework for the rest of the parts.

I don’t mean to say you can’t, or shouldn’t, love your job. Only that love is a feeling and a shaky foundation for a career. You don’t feel love after a seventy hour work week, when a stranger tears you to shreds on Yelp, or after losing everything in a power outage. If love’s the only fuel you’ve got, those moments will defeat you. When I get to the restaurant to face some fresh disaster, my love for homemade sprinkles doesn’t well up inside and lift me above the fray. What gets me through is an ability to set my emotions aside and say, “I don’t mind.”

That’s a short excerpt from the excellent post by BraveTart.

In fact, I’m not even going to write much more about it. Go read her post instead.

Back Already? Didn’t you Love it?

Admit it. You know some people whose hearts should look like this.

Admit it. You know some people whose hearts should look like this.

The part that I think hit me the hardest was the bit about finding an environment where you can thrive. It’s one of the hardest and most important things to understand about love of any kind: it comes at a price. Hopefully that price is understood, and hopefully it’s compensated by the benefits of loving.

But if that’s not the case…then there is the possibility that love is not only not all you need, but it may be exactly what you don’t need. It may be that you need to create an environment where you can thrive – and have the resources to meet the price of love – before you are really ready to welcome it into your life.

I know. Heretical thoughts for our “Love is the answer” culture. Believe me, I’m the poster boy for “All for love!” I love a good romance as much as the next guy. Especially if there are swords and horses involved.

But the truth is, love untrammeled can be more destructive than anything. Troy? Camelot? Les Miserables? The Clinton Administration? Ted Haggard?

Trammel that puppy, already. Make a home for your love, and then invite it in knowing it will have a place to flourish and grow.

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One thought on “love can be dangerous if you’re not ready

  1. Emma on said:

    Oh, Gray. I absolutely despise you in this moment, in that way you despise someone who tells you a truth you already know, but don’t want to accept. After a trying break up, I want more love, now! More people! New love! gimme gimme gimme!

    Sigh.

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